my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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