Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just threw up on my dentist
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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