all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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