So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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