now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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