You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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