I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize