were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
