you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
