okay pat passed out under dana's car
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
