So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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