ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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