i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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