I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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