Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
MIDGETS
????
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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