Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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