I cockslap morals
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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