Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my poor anus
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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