When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
