Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
