She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My dick has a subreddit
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
