I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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