Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
vagina is talking i cant
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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