I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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