Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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