OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
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She told me I should be a condom model.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
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I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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