Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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