Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
