you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
