i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize