I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
