just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
