did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
this boner is exhausting
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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