I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize