If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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