when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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