is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
