And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
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I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
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Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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