Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
