I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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