We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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