Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
