i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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