my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
