thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
