I'm so fucking centered right now
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
