your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
