I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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