You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
