did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
