A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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