She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
