I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
