I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
