i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
