just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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