Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
