I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
