batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
