don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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