how can u be prego again
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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