I need to stop coming to work sober
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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