ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
