$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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