i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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