How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
