I could make wine with my vomit
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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