It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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