Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
