Already got asked if we're dating
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
