dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Princesses don't give blow jobs
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
