How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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