it's too hot outside to masturbate.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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