Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
