Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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