so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
