He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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