Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
