in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
