My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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