My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
