I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
