You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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