New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
