4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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