We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
