fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
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you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
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Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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