The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
