oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
